Top Ten List - David Letterman Style

From our small ranch in Norwood, Colorado, here is tonight's Top Ten List.

Whether you are dreaming of lush pastures full of piglets or just trying to keep a single chicken from destroying your garden, these are the facts.

Top Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before Starting a Small Farm

-10- Everything you own is now a "Farm Shirt" That nice pair of pants? Covered in mud. That nice warm wool sweater? Covered in mud. Deal with it.

-9- Animals are professional escape artists You will spend about 30% of the time chasing a large sow named Laverne out of the chicken feed.

-8- It can be pretty, or it can work, but it can't be both Think you are going to have a pinteresty chicken coop that will maintain it's functionality through one winter? Think again.

-7- The local hardware store clerk will be your husbands best friend, farm advisor, and therapist. If you think this will be cheaper than therapy, you are mistaken.

-6- Your fence has two states: "Broken" and "About to be Broken" You should probably hold on to all that baling twine to keep it in the "About to be Broken" state longer.

-5- Hay will become your top worry. You will spend all summer worrying about getting it, all winter worrying about running out, and all year sneezing.

-4- You will never throw anything away again. Ever. And if you do throw something away. You will need it desperately in less than 24 hours.

-3- You spend so much time thinking about your pigs breeding and farrowing cycles you will start a website called "Only Hams". Just kidding. You don't.

-2- Turkey Toms's spend their whole day plotting how to attack you. Always keep a good turkey stick close by to give yourself a buffer zone.

And the number one thing I wish I knew before starting a small farm...

-1- There is no such things as "Just some chickens." Poultry is the gateway animal, and before you know it, you're that crazy neighbor with 3 pigs, 15 sheep, 10 turkeys, 10 ducks, 5 rabbits, and too many chickens.